Single and happy: is it really possible?

Single and happy: is it really possible?

“Are you in a relationship? Why are you still single? Don’t you want to bring someone with you?” Christmas is the festival of love—and nosy questions, apparently. Singles are often made to feel like they are lacking something. But are they? In this article, we talk about both the sunny and dark sides of being single, the difference between being alone and being lonely, and the social expectations associated with your relationship status.

The sunny side of being single

There are deep-seated myths about the negatives of singlehood. It is presumed that single people are lonely, unhappy and perhaps even incomplete. But research paints a completely different picture! Studies have actually shown that singles exercise more, are healthier and have a lower BMI compared to those in relationships. Research also shows that being single is linked to greater social engagement: Single people keep in touch with parents, siblings, neighbours and friends more than married people. This may be due to the fact that when people are not in a relationship, they have more time to get in touch with different people in their lives.

Single people also have much more time for hobbies and their own interests. This is one of the advantages often stated by satisfied singles—and can sometimes even be the reason why certain people deliberately choose not to be in a relationship. Freedom and independence are also among the top reasons for being single. Where are we going on holiday next? Are we spending the festive season with your family or mine? Does further training fit into our life plan right now? In a relationship, you must find a compromise on all these issues—but not when you’re single! This can be very liberating and allow room for personal growth and development.

The dark side of being single

Like everything in life, being single also has its downsides. These are particularly apparent when it is not a deliberate decision. Getting dumped or simply not finding the right person can make you feel unloved, unwanted or “not good enough”. But not finding the right person (yet) has nothing to do with your own value. You are loveable, valuable and good enough, regardless of your relationship status. We usually seek the love of a partner because we find it difficult to love ourselves and feel valuable. It’s no wonder when we live in a society of comparison. We usually compare ourselves with those who we judge to be “better”, whether at school, university, work, as parents or among siblings. Don’t compare yourself with others. Be yourself instead. This is not just better for your own self-image, but it also makes you more interesting to others!

Another phenomenon that singles are faced with is the false social pressure to find a partner, get married and start a family. Here, it is important to listen to your own needs. Is the desire for a partner your own desire? Or is it an expectation that you believe you have to fulfil? If you desperately want a partner or a family, please don’t put any more pressure on yourself. Instead, be patient when looking for a partner.

Alone, not lonely!

Single people are often seen as lonely, but this is not always the case. It is important to understand that being alone is not the same as being lonely. Loneliness is often characterised by a feeling of emptiness and isolation, whereas being alone can be a conscious decision that helps you find inner peace and self-reflect. Being alone can be a time of regeneration and personal growth when you can consider your thoughts, dreams and goals without any external influences.

Countless activities can also bring joy and fulfilment when you do them on your own. Reading a captivating book, exploring nature, listening to inspiring music or doing creative hobbies are just a few examples. These activities not only encourage self-reflection, but also promote the development of individual talents and passions.

Being alone also offers plenty of opportunities for self-care. A relaxing bath, a meditation session or cooking a delicious meal just for yourself can have a positive effect on your well-being. Consciously choosing to be alone helps you appreciate your own company and find inner balance. Granting yourself these moments of solitude is not just for singles. Everyone should do it regularly, regardless of your relationship status. Self-care is an expression of self-love. And self-love is important for all of us. In fact, it is the foundation for being able to love at all.

“The capacity to love is the capacity to be alone.”
- Osho, Indian philosopher

So being alone without feeling lonely is a skill. Those who learn at a young age to be alone and create a happy life for themselves, without allowing their happiness to depend on a relationship, will benefit from this skill for the rest of their lives. People who have never been alone for a long time also find it harder to be alone in old age, as they have never learnt how to deal with it.

What can you do if you do feel lonely?

Feeling lonely is a human experience that can trouble all of us at some point in our lives. This means that loneliness is not just reserved for singles—people in relationships can also feel lonely from time to time. Loneliness is not necessarily linked to a lack of social interaction; our existing social relationships and interaction may be inadequate, which makes us feel lonely.

But there is one thing in particular that can help beat loneliness: getting in touch with people, like your friends. According to happiness research, relationships are the greatest source of happiness, and it doesn’t even matter what type of relationship it is. Studies have shown that friendships have a similar effect on happiness as long-term relationships. Even platonic friendships can satisfy our basic need for closeness and connection. The quality of the friendship is more important for our sense of happiness than the number of friendships we have.

Another way to interact with people is through volunteering. If you are in a new place and feeling homesick, this is a particularly great way to meet new people, while giving something back to the community. Whether you get involved in a sports club, a soup kitchen or an asylum centre, by helping others, you are also doing something good for yourself (a bit like psychological karma points). It has even been scientifically proven! Studies show that prosocial behaviour goes hand in hand with positive feelings, such as a sense of competence and self-esteem.
If you are looking for volunteering work in the Canton of Zug, take a look at the Benevol Zug website. There you will find a job platform to volunteer in various communities and fields. Alternatively, you can choose to join a sports club. Not only will you be doing something about feeling lonely, you will also be doing something about its side-effects, like stress. Feeling lonely causes the body to release the stress hormone cortisol. If this feeling persists for a long time, the amount of cortisol in the body increases, which has negative effects on our bodily functions. But now for the good news: Exercise can reduce stress.

Are you lonely but also fed up with people? Then get a pet to cuddle! During the COVID-19 pandemic in particular, people with pets felt significantly less lonely. But having a pet is also a big commitment and not for everyone. If having your own pet is not an option for you, you can also look after other people’s pets. This is particularly popular for dogs. Create a profile on an app like Hundelieb or Petsitting24 and offer to look after someone’s pet.

If you have been feeling lonely for a while and would like to talk to someone about it, you can find points of contact on the help and advice help page on our website.

Tips for singles at Christmas

Christmas can be a difficult time when you’re single. But there are many ways to enjoy the holidays alone. We’ve put together a few tips to help you enjoy the festive season, even if you’re single—or perhaps precisely because you are single and can spend your time just the way you want.

• Spend time with friends and family: If you’re single, Christmas is the perfect chance to spend time with your loved ones. You can host a Christmas party or go to one organised by your friends or family.
• Do something you enjoy: Christmas is also a great opportunity to do something you enjoy. For example, you can organise a film evening, read a good book or try out a new hobby.
• Travel: Don’t feel like dealing with your family’s prying questions? Then go and explore the world! You can go on a trip to another city or country and discover new places and cultures.
• Help others:  Christmas is also a time for charity. If you want to help others, you can help out at a homeless shelter or take part in a charity event, for example.
• Treat yourself: Who says you should only give presents to other people at Christmas? Treat yourself to something this Christmas!  For example, you can visit a spa or treat yourself to a delicious meal.

Conclusion

Being single has its pros and cons. Just as there is no right or wrong or no better or worse with many things, being single does not necessarily mean you are any happier or unhappier. There are many different ways to shape, succeed at and appreciate life. Whether you are single or not is ultimately irrelevant to happiness. The important thing is how you treat yourself and others, how you live your life and how you cultivate your social environment.

References
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